Ava, adjusted

Considering that Ava should be 4 months old, she's really trying to catch up to her 7 month old status. We had the nurse over for her monthly home visit, and she noted that Ava is doing 5-6 month old things. As proud as I am that my little girl is an overachiever, I'm not quite ready for her to grow up so fast. Actually, I'm kind of bummed that she's not taking her time doing things. Don't get me wrong, I would be singing a different tune if she were behind in development. But IF (and that's a big if) things happened differently in our lives, and we had just one healthy Ava born at full term, I really wanted to cherish that baby stuff I really didn't fully appreciate when Sophia was a baby. It's so cliche but true that they grow up so fast, in a blink of an eye. Did Ava's head really fit in the palm of my hand? I barely remember her fragile, baby bird like state. So now she's determined to roll over, to grasp things, to coo and babble but I'm not ready for these things because I know the next chapter will be independence. I was eating something in front of Ava the other day, and she was looking at my eyes, down to my lips--back and forth as I chewed my food. She started to make open mouth motions and a little drool escaped. Well damn it, is it really time to introduce her to solid foods? I know she's ready, I'm just not. But I went out and got some rice cereal anyway, to try with her...once I get my video camera charged, and both camera's full disc space clear for more memories, once I get my computer setup and a file system organized to hold these memories. Yes, I'm stalling. Ava may be adjusting fine to all these new changes but I'm not.

Sophia says...

We saw a plane in the sky and I asked Sophia where she thought the plane was going. She replied, "Timbuktu." Ha! Shortly after, we saw another plane and I said, "Well then where is that plane going?" She replied, "Timbuk-three." Well, of course.

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On another note, my computer crashed last week and I also left my camera at my Grandparent's house, so I'm busy here getting things back in order. Hope to have new pictures soon!

Sophia says...

Allergies were horrendous at my mom's house when we went to visit. I could not stop sneezing. Sophia says, "Mommy, do you have the Bless You's?"

Mother's Day

The day before Mother's Day, I found myself unexpectedly crying while driving home from the grocery store. There were no emotional triggers that I could recall setting off this particular episode, even though crying is (annoyingly) my new MO these days. I didn't have a lot of time to analyze this random jag--it's a pretty short drive from the store to the house and I knew Sophia would be up from her nap. Besides, there were groceries to put away, the house to clean, food to make. And then it dawned on me: this was the day last year that I found out I was pregnant with Ava and Julia. Of course I didn't know what the future held on that day, but I remember making the decision to take a pregnancy test the day before Mother's Day because if that pregnancy didn't turn out, I didn't want Mother's Day to end up like so many other angelversaries I had with the other miscarriages. The subconscious is sure powerful.

Mother's Day has become emotionally charged for me, and significantly so now that I feel the added loss of Julia providing the undercurrent. I am so grateful for Sophia, who has the honor of making me a mother, and for Ava who I celebrate my first Mother's Day now as a mother of two beautiful little girls. Being a mother means all the world to me. It symbolizes my struggle to actually get to this point to be able to celebrate motherhood. It's a big deal to me, and personal in a way that I will probably never explain to Rick or anyone else (unless you are reading this, of course). This day brings all my successes and failures as a mother into reflection. It may be only a period of time that I feel this way, because motherhood has been all consuming these last few years, and as the children grow up and may not need so much hands on attention, Mother's Day will probably morph into different feelings. However, at this point in my life, I'll embrace all the feelings of this day and look forward to what the years may bring.

Sophia says...

Tonight we were playing with balloons, trying to keep them up in the air the longest. Sophia says, "Mommy, we're having fun (she growls the word fun). That's crrrraaaaaazy." Clearly our days of fun have been far and few between. So I'm going to work on that, OK Sophia?

Easter

We had Easter brunch at our house with the family. The day started out rainy, and I was really stressed that it would stay that way. However, by mid-morning the rain stopped and the clouds went away, leaving us with a warm sunny day to enjoy the kid's egg hunt. Sophia had to stop and open each egg she found to see what was inside. It was a painfully slow process, while her cousins zipped and zoomed around finding the 159 eggs Aunt Dione stuffed (for a hunt with 3 kids!). I have to say, Sophia has some really nice cousins who shared their loot with her when it was all said and done. There is no way that would have happened with the cousins I grew up with!