Oh Christmas Tree...

I used to love decorating the tree. I'd spend a whole evening making an event out of it. The first year Rick and I celebrated Christmas together, I tried to make him partake in my ritual. I think he made it to the part where I handed him hot chocolate, he finished his cup and hightailed it to the couch. I would take each decoration out and remember the special moments--the person I got it from, or the event I got it for. I would pick the perfect spot for the decoration: the newest ones usually displayed towards the front and the not so great ones displayed towards the back. I would make sure we had the tree at least 2 weeks ahead of Christmas and never would I take it down before New Years.

This year was different. This year we have a little walking terror. This year the tree was strategically placed on top of the coffee table, which is also strategically placed in the corner of the living room, to minimize the chances of Sophia hitting her head on a corner. This year, decorating had 3 parts to it: part 1 was during morning nap, part 2 was during afternoon nap, and part 3 completed the tree decoration after Sophia went to bed. There was no hot chocolate. There was no pomp and circumstance. Decorating the tree was an item to be checked off the list.

All my breakable ornaments were hung up at the very topmost part of the tree. Who knew I had so many breakable ornaments? All the ones I thought Sophia could possibly get a hold of with minimal collateral damage were toward the middle--but still out of reach, or so I thought. All the ones I secretly wished she'd be able to reach were at the bottom. Surprisingly, these all survived. Each day, sometimes twice a day, Sophia insisted we look at each and every ornament. I held her as she pointed to an ornament, and I recited what it was. This was cute the first time, maybe even the second and third. After 2 weeks, it got old. Even that was not enough for Sophia, as I'd catch her climbing up on the couch to reach for the ornaments. "Do not touch" became the catch phrase of each day, 50 times a day.

So the day after Christmas, I decided it was time to pack up and move out the dear Christmas tree. And it wasn't a day too soon either. I know I'll be able to reinstate my treasured Christmas tree dressing tradition one day, and hopefully Sophia will stay after the hot chocolate is served and reminisce with me. But until that day comes, so long Christmas tree and good riddance.

Lucky number 3

Got my Christmas present early this year with a nice hcG count of THREE. YAY me!

A holiday party with friends

My weekly obsessions

Tis the season...

• Lindor truffles
• Panettone

What's for dinner

Cioppino

There are so many recipes for Cioppino, an Italian seafood stew, but of course I've got my way of doing things too. So here's my take on it.
You'll need:

Fish and shellfish. Whatever is fresh or frozen fresh, or even canned if you like. You pick. Here's my pick this time: 12 oz Mahi Mahi, 16 oz shrimp, two 10 oz cans of whole baby clams, drained. Our seafood selection has been horrible, but if I had a choice I'd pick: 1 whole dungeness crab, separated, 16 oz shrimp, 1 good size fillet of halibut, 2 pounds of littleneck clams in shell, 1/2 pound calamari.

1 large onion, rough chopped

2 fennel bulbs, rough chopped

2 large celery stalks

3 cloves garlic, minced


1 heaping tsp thyme

1 heaping teaspoon oregano

1 heaping tsp Old Bay seasoning

1 heaping tsp black pepper

1 pinch of red chili flakes

2 tbsp chopped parsley

2 bay leaves


1 cup of dry white wine (I used Sterling Sauvignon Blanc)

1 eight oz bottle of clam juice

1can of 28 oz Cento tomatoes (I used chef's cut) or you can use tomato juice or whole, whatever consistency you want. I like it chunkier. Use the juice too.

16 oz of chicken stock

Preheat to med. on stovetop a large dutch oven or stew pot. Add enough olive oil to coat pan. In this order, add onion, fennel, celery. Saute until onions are translucent, about 5 minutes. If you decide to season with salt, do so very sparingly because the clam juice has a lot of salt and the stock typically does, too. Add garlic and all the above spices (except parsley), and stir another minute. Add the wine and let simmer a minute or so. Add the clam juice and the can of tomatoes. Add the chicken stock. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low. Simmer for at least 30 minutes, more if you like a thicker stew. Here's how I would add the fish: fillet cooks about 10-15 minutes, clams or mussles about 10 minutes, scallops about 5 minutes, shrimp about 5 minutes, calamari about 3 minutes, and the crab goes in last because it's already cooked and just needs to warm. Add the chopped parsley last, give a quick stir and serve with crusty bread or garlic bread.

hcG and me

I think I've explained the whole hcG count, but here's a short refresher course. hcG is a pregnancy hormone. You have it if you are pregnant, you don't if you aren't. Most pregnancy tests show a positive pregnancy by the time your urine shows an hcG count of 100. The early result pregnancy tests show an hcG count of 25, some are rumored to go as far as 15 hcG. I've been going to the lab each week to have them take blood to test my hcG levels. The goal is to get down to zero, but I can stop going to the lab once it shows that it's under 5. Once your hcG is down to zero, that's the end of the miscarriage and a normal menstruation cycle should be on it's way.
My lab results showed that my hcG count is at 50 as of last Fri. When I had started this process, I was at 1600 hcG, so the steady decline is just what they want to see. Hopefully I'll only need to go into the lab this week, maybe one more time after that and then I can move on to the next process. I'll be so happy to say good-bye to the weekly torture sessions!

My weekly obsessions

• Greek style honey yogurt
• Trader Joes cheese puffs
• Raisins

Sophia's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

(the above picture was actually taken on another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day)

If this sounds familiar, I've adapted my story from one of my favorite childhood books.

It was an unusually chilly morning, so the heater came on very early. Sophia is a very light sleeper, and it only takes the heater going on a few times for her to wake up. So at 5:00 am, it begins. Sophia wanted to cuddle, no--she wanted down, no--she wanted milk, no--she wanted mommy to get down and get her milk, no--she didn't want milk, no--she wanted milk, but she wanted mommy and daddy to get out of bed and get her milk. I just knew it was the start to a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Sophia didn't really want her milk when she got it. She wanted daddy to hold her. She wanted Elmo on TV. She wanted to play while Elmo was on TV and not really watch TV. NO, she did not want her daddy to watch Fox News on TV. No, she really didn't want Elmo back on TV. She wanted Calliou. She wanted mommy to hold her while she watched Calliou. No, she didn't want mommy to lean back on the couch, she wanted mommy in an upright position. Oh, and Sophia now wanted her milk. And mommy desperately needed her coffee. But Sophia wanted her milk to magically appear, because she didn't want mommy to get up to get her milk. It was becoming a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Sophia wanted breakfast because daddy was eating his breakfast. But Sophia didn't want to get in her highchair. Sophia didn't want her dog near her highchair. Sophia wanted blueberries, but she didn't want the blueberries in a pile. She wanted to throw the dog a blueberry, but she didn't want the dog to actually eat the blueberry. Sophia wanted to watch TV while eating her breakfast. Sophia now wanted to watch Elmo, and she wanted only Elmo. Mommy needed another cup of coffee. Sophia needed a nap. Mommy hoped the nap would cure the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Fred had spent the night because he had knee surgery the following day and couldn't drive. The spare bathroom is next to Sophia's room. As mentioned, Sophia is a light sleeper. Fred decided it was time to get up and go to the bathroom, 10 minutes after Sophia went down for her nap. The heater came on. Sophia woke up. Sophia wanted her blanket when she woke up from her painfully short nap. No--not just her favorite bear blanket, no--her other new favorite bear blanket, and her green silky blanket, and her pink fuzzy blanket, and her quilt, and her pillow. Sophia wanted to cuddle on the couch, but she wanted to cuddle with all blankets and pillow on top of mommy. It continued to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Sophia wanted to go outside. Sophia didn't want to get dressed. Sophia didn't want to change her diaper. Sophia didn't want to put on her coat. Sophia wanted to throw ice at her dog. Sophia didn't want her dog to actually eat the ice. Sophia wanted her dog to take the other end of the torn out mint strand. Sophia didn't want her dog to actually pull the strand out of her hand. Sophia wanted to play in the water, but she didn't want to get wet. Sophia didn't want to be in her wet clothes. Sophia didn't want to take her wet clothes off. It was a terrible, horrible no good, very bad day. And it was only 12 noon.

Test results

So my test results came back negative for MTHFR and Factor V Leiden, which is a good thing. However, I was hoping to have something I could fix. At this point, there's still no diagnosis for why I keep having miscarriages. I'll continue to focus on getting better from the ectopic. That's actually been slower progress than I had thought. My hcG count went down to the 200s which is also a positive thing, but I still have the pregnancy hormones, residual pain, bleeding (going on 40 days now!), and the exhaustion to deal with. Anyway, bah humbug...it could be much worse and I feel stupid complaining about anything at all. I'll continue to get my blood drawn until the numbers go down to zero, and by then I should feel like I'm getting back to my normal self!

My weekly obsessions

Starting to get an appetite back!

Trader Joes Almond biscotti
Cuties (mandarins)

Thanksgiving recap

My Aunt Lynette hosted dinner this year. She put on quite the spread. She had the best turkey I've ever tasted. I hope she'll share her secrets with me.

Sophia was her usually playful self, after warming up a little. By the end of the night, she had managed to get everyone to do her biding.

I have to brag a little about my cheese platter. I thought it turned out pretty. And the cheese was good, too!