Ava's first graduation

Ava graduated from the Medically Vulnerable Infant Program (MVIP) the week before last. It was without pomp or circumstance, no cake or punch was served. It was a very warm, sunny day and our nurse Linda, who we've seen for the past year and a half, joined us outside to observe Ava playing with Sophia. The girls were at the sand table, as opposites as opposites can be--Ava shied away and did everything she could to hide under me, Sophia immediately showing off all her new skills and knowledge from Linda's last visit. Linda and I talked. We discussed Ava's rock star qualities. We discussed the session at the High Risk Infant Clinic (HRIC) a few weeks ago, and I felt like I needed to set the record straight a bit. I was sent the records from Ava's last visit. The records noted that I told them Ava wasn't talking or saying as many words as she should be. I think my high standards may have inadvertently did Ava a disservice. The thing is, I am not worried about how many words Ava uses. I am not concerned, because she talks constantly. But what I acknowledge as a word must be clearly understood as an association with the object. That is my standard. The standard I should be using for her is that she may be making up her own words, or her understanding of what an object is, or what I would call "babble" and that is considered a word. So in that case, Ava speaks complete sentences! Seriously though, I didn't give Ava enough credit and had I not clarified this with Linda, we may have been sent into another program for speech therapy, etc. So lesson learned there. And there still may be a time where Ava does illegitimately need some extra help, but I really don't want her placed into something because of my choice of words or standards. What I've also learned is that I have to toe the line between letting Ava come into her own, while also being slightly more keen on her developmental milestones in case we need early intervention. My parenting philosophy is more "wait and see" which isn't necessarily the best thing for a preemie who is being evaluated more often than a full term child. So that's my struggle, and something I will try to keep in check until her second birthday where we presume the case will be closed with the HRIC as well. When I walked Linda out, I told her I was sad we didn't get to celebrate the occasion. She told me she generally won't tell her clients in advanced if it's the last session, because she doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. I guess I can see her point. I really would have liked to take a picture of her and Ava together, if only Ava would have gotten within camera range of Linda. So another thing checked off our list of accomplishments for Ava, our little Rock Star.

Papa

My father in-law passed away after an insanely long struggle with Alzheimer's. I contribute his longevity to the sheer willpower of my mother in-law. She made sure he was up in the morning, showered, shaved, and dressed for the day. She had him up and walking during the day, outside for fresh air, and came up with creative ways to keep his mind working. She had friends over, held communion every week at the house, and made sure we celebrated every birthday and holiday as normal as possible. I think she is truly a Saint.

I never really knew my father in-law. Oh, I shared moments of his clarity, but most of the time it was a polite smile, a pat on the shoulder, a brief hug. Here is what I do know about him:

- His love ran so deep with my mother in-law that when all memories failed him, he could still call her name and look for her when she left the room.

- His eyes lit up when he saw Sophia, and eventually Ava. He loved babies, and there is something telling about that core trait. He would call Sophia "Sweetheart" when he saw her. Last night at dinner, Rick told Sophia he was going to bring some food over for Noni. Sophia said, "And for Papa." It felt like this was as good a time as any to let her know that Papa was no longer with us. She said, "Papa called me Sweetheart."

- He was strong and stoic. I saw it in his eyes and felt it is his grip, I also saw when he didn't want to do something and it was like moving a mountain.

- He left a big impression on everyone that knew him. It is a testament to his kind character that people approach Rick any time we are around those he knew, to tell Rick a story about his father. It happened often, and I know it means a lot to Rick.

- I see so much of my husband's characteristics as a reflection of his father's influence on him, and for that I am grateful.

A glimpse of my past self

Rick and I did an overnight trip to Las Vegas for my girlfriend's wedding. It was a 24 hour, kid-free opportunity and I relished in every sweet minute of it. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than life. But sometimes they are a handful. More than a handful. I have very spirited children. I try to make light of the work that it takes to raise them, because I am so grateful for everything I am blessed with. This stay at home mom business is not a walk in the park. It can be physically and mentally draining day in and day out. I joke that it's a nice break to have my teeth cleaned. But sometimes it's not a joke. Anyway, enough about how hard it is. It's been a very long time that Rick and I have had some time together, away from the kids. It's also been a long time that I've gotten to meet up with some old friends. And it's been ages since I've gotten to meet up with my old friends at our old Vegas playground. I was giddy. It was a blast. It was a joyous occasion! And what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Although I must add that 10 years ago, we actually did stay out until the clubs closed instead of leaving the clubs right when the lines start to form. Man, are we getting old or what? I forgot how much I loved Vegas. I reconnected with my younger self again, before pregnancies and responsibilities. It was a much needed 24 hour time out. And I came home refreshed, ready to take on my life again. Get back to the grind. Absence does make the heart grow fonder though. While I was relishing in my freedom from responsibility, Rick was having the opposite experience. I'd find him looking at pictures of the girls on his cell phone. "Look at this" he'd say, as we'd both peer over the small screen to watch one of Sophia's dance routines he had captured. "I really miss them," he'd muse. And I realized that while I am the trenches with them during the day, he's literally in the trenches and so busy running his business that he has no time to think about missing them. When he comes home from work, it's dinner, bath and then bed time. So while it was good for us to also reconnect, I think next time I may head out to Vegas solo and let him take the kids by himself!

Sophia is 4

Four seems so Big Girl. It's Independence. It's I Can Do It Myself. It's I Am Now Old Enough. It's graduation from car seat to booster. It's learning to read, tie shoes, contemplation, learning consequences, asking big questions. I've noticed this subtle shift into Big Girl, but having Sophia actually turn 4 feels so official. It's as if the last bit of baby powder has been dusted off. I realize that as Sophia is first born, I look forward to the next thing with her. I am eager to see what is around the corner. I've been like this since she was born. I couldn't wait for her milestones. And while I am just a little bit sad that she is no longer a baby, I am more excited that she is becoming such a big girl. Happy birthday, Sophia!

March: Things I want to remember

The tree guys coming to cut down the massive branch of the pine growing over our fence line. The tough guy got all smiles when I asked if I could take his picture tied way up in that tree. He even posed. Ruger now comes to me when he has any ailments, after the horrible dog attack. I'm his nurse-maid. We've bonded big time. His legs still aren't working right and the other day he slipped while trying to run up the concrete steps. He came over to me the next day, whimpering, and put his leg out for me to have a look.

Spending St. Patrick's Day at Fred's house. Sophia and Danielle are becoming great friends and it's so much fun to watch them grow up together. A little side note: there is a big difference in a house that has one 4 year old (Fred's) vs. a house that has one four year old and a baby that likes "choking hazards" (ours). Ava survived the day unscathed, and no Polly Pocket shoes ended up being consumed (or at least as far as I could tell).

Grandma's Tea Party. Also how long it took Mariah to fluff up those flower puff decorations. And that I almost gave Aunt Bev a heart attack when I told her Grandma was turning 88 instead of 90.

What a big girl Sophia was when we went out to a grown-up restaurant for her Aunt Kathy's birthday dinner.

Sophia likes to come in early in the morning to sleep on Rick's side of the bed and snuggle. Sometimes she has Barbie there as a placeholder.


Ava officially walking!

Girl's (or Girls'?) trip to Monterey. Would my Mom and Dione survive without me? I think not.
Coming home from our long weekend, to find Rick making a lasagna for dinner. I can count on one hand the number of times he's cooked dinner since I've known him. It's all my fault really, I am way too critical of him when he's in the kitchen. Lesson learned. He is welcome to cook whenever he wants, I will happily hang up my apron and let him have at it. I'll even do the dishes.

Cracking up at Ava mocking us when we tell her not to do something. She brings her chin to her neck and looks up at us and does a really good Peanut's cartoon "adult voice" with the "Wah-wah-wah-wah."